


so call it the weight of light (the words that comfort me)

by starbboy



Series: JayKyle Week 2020 [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Green Lantern - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Blue Lantern Jason Todd, Hurt/Comfort, JayKyle Week (DCU), M/M, Marriage Proposal, Nightmares, background guyjohn and super background donnakori, no beta we die like jason todd, no. no i will not, will i ever be able to write a short fic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26796652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbboy/pseuds/starbboy
Summary: “I love you.”“Love you too.” Jason replies, every bit the unwavering constant he’s become. Kyle remembers when they started out, how nervous Jason would be. Of commitment, of hurting Kyle, of getting hurt. Kyle remembers that but it all seems so far away in a wonderful way. They exist together quietly, in days of both sun and rain, and places where said rain floats up instead of falling and yet still Kyle wants more.
Relationships: Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd
Series: JayKyle Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954192
Comments: 14
Kudos: 127





	so call it the weight of light (the words that comfort me)

**Author's Note:**

> **Day 1: Lantern!Jason |** ~~Secret Relationship~~
> 
> first fic for jaykyle week! they're might only be two but i'm keeping an optimistic mind  
> i very lightly touch upon both prompt options but then just ignore them because i'm a fool  
> enjoy!  
> title is from the poem Alpine Letter

They fall in love privately, on days where the sky is monochrome and boredom seeps through everything they own. In apartments too small for their own good and open clearings and wastelands spreading far wide in colours they should not be. They fall in love at home and far from it, as blue and green light dance around them and as it fizzles out.

They fall in love quietly, there is no huge shift in the atmosphere, no grand moment of realisation. It creeps up on them and engulfs them, silently, while no one else seems to be watching.

And maybe that’s the problem, because here they are, so, _so_ in love surrounded by a world completely unaware of that fact.

It’s an accident, or at least it was an accident at the start. They’re private people, and then a blue ring settles itself on Jason's finger promising hope and people clamour to see it, but don’t look much further than that, even almost three years later, with so much going on in between, the Red Hood becoming a Blue Lantern is hot gossip.

And then they’re in space half the time, Kyle is tasked with overseeing his training, they are in everything less than words, partners in the Corps. People aren’t around to witness them in Space. They don’t see how Jason’s grin, dangerous and sharp, softens when staring at him or how they tease and taunt and challenge each other like it’s a game or how Jason’s arms loop round his waist instinctively, so incredibly easily for someone with the walls he has put up.

No one is around to see Kyle break those walls down either.

They’re married on some alien planet, maybe two, in some sector that they don’t often frequent. There’s a tattoo winding round Kyle’s forearm (and one on Jason’s chest) to signify it but no one on Earth knows what it means. Jason isn’t in the habit of showing his chest, even after Kyle helped cover up _that_ scar with other, still meaningful tattoos and people already assume they know how Kyle got his. People draw conclusions from Guy who doesn’t know the meaning of shame and tells everyone who asks about the accident that was the moving alien tattoo curled around his shoulders. (It’s not an accident, Kyle knows, he’s been to Yebos, has seen the suspiciously similar one on John’s thigh - some planets seem to have similar ideas.)

Along the line, as their relationship develops and grows and Kyle finds himself falling deeper in love with his stupid boyfriend who can recite sonnets at the drop of a hat, they end up just not telling people. There is no conscious decision made to hide the relationship, just as there is no conscious decision made to tell people. And they end up digging a hole for themselves as they do it.

It’s been two years; Jason has been a Blue Lantern for two and a half. Telling people now would be awkward but waiting would make it worse.

Jason doesn’t care too much about the situation, but then again, he thrives off spite and the confusion of others, that is to be expected. Kyle on the other hand has friends who expect him to keep them updated on his romantic life, and he doesn’t think they’d appreciate being two years behind. He knows the truth is going to come out eventually (he hates how much that phrase makes this sound like some stupid scandal, it’s not, it’s one of the best things that happened to him) and he’s both terrified and exited for when it does.

* * *

They arrive back to Earth on a day where grey clouds dominate and the rain threatens to fall, keeping you on edge with the wait on the outskirts of a city Kyle can’t remember the name of with thoughts drowned out by inhuman screaming.

It’s an alien invasion, an overdone threat but most certainly a threat with six dozen ships landed and more on the way. It centralised, and that’s the only thing good about it - these aliens are brutal, large and equipped, they come from a planet where the surface gravity is undoubtedly less than that of Earth, so their attackers have the advantage of floating slightly. They seem unfortunately well trained for Earth’s conditions.

He and Jason are on the ground, with the Justice League, affiliated groups and child heroes that snuck in to help, while Superman, Supergirl and the rest of the Green Lanterns (including some non-Earth ones) are dealing with the incoming forces.

Jason, as always fights in a way that Kyle finds breath taking, two years of training as a Lantern means he’s adapted well, he fights with a mix of Lantern Constructs, Bat training and all the other skills he learnt with the League that Batman secretly hates, he’s a ball of hope, spite and determination as he barrels through alien forces, taking the aliens down. There’s no need to be precise and clean, but he is so anyway as he shoots and hits, twisting to grab one of their heads between his thighs and slamming them down in a move that would have made Kyle lose concentration in the earlier days. 

He grins loosely up at Kyle after that, hair messy and eyes wild, and Kyle is reminded of how much he loves this man before he tears his gaze away to fight, Jason already up and speeding off. 

He’s out of sight (but not out of mind) for the next couple of minutes as Kyle forms construct after construct, until Jason flies up to hover beside him, firing a beam at a particularly persistent group.

“Got a call from Hal, a couple of them are low on juice, I’m going up to supercharge them.” He says.

“Got it.” Kyle replies, straight up punching one of them, “Meet here after?”

“Yeah.” Jason says, shaking his curls out of his face. They’ve been off-world for a while so his hair has been getting long. “See ya.” And then he flies off, leaving a trail of blue behind him, stark against the gathering clouds.

They continue to battle it out for another half hour before the aliens draw back and they emerge victorious, Kyle is mostly unscathed and he sits and watches as the injured are tended to and heroes celebrate. He’s going to have to deal with the diplomatic fallout of this, no doubt the Guardians will want to send someone to check out the attackers planet and since Guy and John are on vacation next week and Simon and Jess usually stick around the sector it’s up to him and Hal, God, he’s too tired to think about that right now.

Supes and the Lanterns arrive a couple minutes later, all non-Earth folks having apparently flown off back to Oa already. He can hear Guy chattering as they land and can see Superman’s constipated expression for a second before he escapes off to the Justice League group.

Jason comes down separately, Kyle spots him after frantically checking the sky for a few seconds, floating over near the makeshift med bay, helping to heal people. The heroes there don’t look nearly as uncomfortable with him being there as they did the first time he tried it which makes Kyle so incredibly happy.

He finishes eventually, looks over to see Kyle staring and grins, he’s been doing that so much more lately, flying over to greet him.

“Hey.” Jason says when landing, the blue glow around his suit dying down.

“Hey.” Kyle parrots, smiling, “everything alright?”

“Yeah, Guy got a couple of hits in so I patched him up but otherwise all fine.”

“What a surprise.” Kyle says, leaning closer to him, “You’re good with that ring, you know.” He whispers, grabbing Jason’s hand and running his fingers over the ring.

Jason rolls his eyes, “It’s been more than two years, I sure hope I would be.”

They’re close now, comfortably inhabiting each other’s personal space as Kyle rests an arm on Jason's shoulder and Jason’s hands settle on Kyle’s waist.

“I love you; you know that?” Kyle whispers.

“Course I do. Love you too.”

Jason squeezes their intertwined hands and smiles, careful not to draw too much attention to the small spot they’ve claimed.

Kyle loves this man so much, with all his stupid nocturnal tendencies and how he grouches about the state of Kyle’s kitchen and the way he gets so adorably cuddly when tired and how he still laughs and frowns at books he’s read a hundred times over.

Jason, for all his need for familiarity, a routine to find comfort in, has learnt to seek that in Kyle and it’s such a small thing that would people would never notice, but the thing is Kyle _does_ notice and he finds himself falling more in love every time Jason smiles when he arrives or grabs his hand because of it.

He wants to spend the rest of his life with this man, and Kyle has said that about several of his partners, he’s known to be one that falls quickly but somehow, it’s different with Jason. And he knows that’s cliche, awfully so, but he's been with Jason for two years he sometimes feels like he knows Jason and all his contradicting intricacies better than he knows himself.

He wants to marry Jason. 

It’s such a simple thought for something so big, something considered to be one of the most important milestones in your life, but it honestly feels so natural that Kyle doesn’t try to over complicate it.

They have been married most of this time, actually, just not on Earth, not in the eyes of the law, and that’s what Kyle wants.

They're still smiling as the rain begins to drizzle down, standing side by side and looking up.

“Hey.” Kyle giggles, bumping their hips, “Hey. Let’s go home.” He’s tired, he wants to have dinner and just exist in the same space as Jason without distractions.

Jason hums, Kyle can feel it with the hand he has resting on his partner's collarbone. Then Jason smiles, laughing softly and eyes crinkling with fondness.

“Sure Ky,” He whispers, softly, “Let’s go home.” He pauses, cocking his head. “Where’s home?” Good question, they’ve never officially moved in somewhere together, Jason has all his safe houses and Kyle has his New York apartment and mom’s house in California but there is no official ‘home’.

“My place?”

“Sounds good.”

They fly away quickly, racing each other as rain hits their faces unnoticed by most.

* * *

Dinner is quiet, lazy and tired bowls balanced on a sofa and constructs used to dump them in the sink. They’re exhausted and it shows.

But even tiredness won’t stop Jason from trying to carry Kyle bridal style to bed, it’s a stupid, half joking tradition they came up with and now Jason does it at random. Kyle floats a bit to make it easier but makes no other protest.

It’s fun, Jason giggles, eyelids heavy as he tosses Kyle on the bed and squirms when he gets tickled in response. It’s lighthearted even as their responses become non-committal grunts and the stiffness Kyle will no doubt suffer from tomorrow sets in.

He’s warm and comfortable and happy and content as he drifts off to sleep, Jason curled next to him.

* * *

Something Kyle learns, early on when they lodged together and some truths become unavoidable, is that Jason’s nightmares are unpredictable, harsh and heart breaking. He kicks out but retracts immediately once he hits something, screaming silently about the horrors that plague his mind.

They are, luckily, infrequent, at least now, but sometimes that causes Jason to act more on edge, wary on the off chance that one comes on that night, turning away from Kyle as he sleeps. Although the action only lasts as long as he’s awake, some adorable instinct causes him to flip over and cuddle into Kyle’s side.

Tonight, is a nightmare night.

Kyle is attuned to these things, and not particularly a heavy sleeper so he wakes up near what he hopes to be near the start of the episode, Jason isn’t kicking yet. Kyle curls up, feet tucked in front of him near the top of the bed to minimize the risk of getting kicked and uses a construct hand to wake Jason up.

It works almost immediately and his boyfriend bolts upright, panicked as his eyes dark around, luminous green overtaking the residual blue glow. That hasn’t happened for a while.

He rests his hand on Jason’s back, spread out with the middle finger pointing upwards, their own little sign of reassurance. 

“You okay?” Is whispered softly.

“Yeah,” Comes the reply, “Yeah I’ll be fine.”

“Mm.” Kyle hums, pulling the blanket around him and shuffling towards Jason.

They say like that for a while, unknown soft ticking floating around the apartment as Jason’s breathing slows and he continues to stare ahead.

“Something on your mind?”

“It’s stu-”

“No, it’s not,” Kyle replies firmly, kissing the bottom of his boyfriend's jawline.

“I was thinking” Jason sighs and normally Kyle would have several jokes lined up but now doesn’t seem like the time. “When I was at my angriest, back then, when I was closest to Pit Rage, one of the things that dragged me through was this _hope_ and wish for some form of unwavering love. And it was just some stupid dream, right?” He laughs, face twisting into something bitter for a flash of a second. Kyle moves to grasp at his shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the tattoo covering up Jason’s autopsy scar. He wonders what Jason dreamed about to have brought this on.

Jason swallows, continuing, “I wasn’t ever gonna get something like that. And hell, maybe if I had stayed and continued to be that person, I wouldn’t have but I didn’t. I changed and moved on for some reason the powers above decided to give me what I wanted.” He pauses, eyes meeting Kyle’s filled with unmistakable pure sincerity. “You gave me what I wanted and let me love you in return and sometimes it still feels like a dream that I'll wake up from but, fuck Ky, even then, You gave me your trust and your heart and I’m not gonna say you saved me because I worked through everything myself but you were there and you helped and for some reason you never gave up on me and I love you so much.” Jason stops to breathe and Kyle uses that brief pause to lean forward and kiss him.

Kyle can taste the salt from almost unshed tears and the peppermint tea Jason finished two hours ago. It’s a simple kiss, it’s really not the time to start making out but it’s sweet and solid and assuring and even after all this time it makes Kyle’s heart leap.

They settle down after they break apart, Kyle's fingers trace the lines of scars and tattoos on Jason’s chest and Jason fingers tangle in Kyle’s hair. It’s a while before Jason speaks again, a soft whisper, meant for Kyle’s ears only.

“I’m happy Ky, I’m happy more than I’m angry now and I love you so fucking much but it feels like the easiest thing for me to do. Thank you, thank you for letting me love you in a way that’s overwhelmingly terrifying but also the best thing I’ve ever felt. That you for being here and thank you for letting me exist with you. Thank you for letting me believe in my dreams and for allowing me to hope. Thank you.” 

He finishes after that and Kyle turns again, kissing his jawline again.

“And you complain about me being a sappy romantic.”

Jason snorts, a smile gracing his features in the way it so often does now.

“Never claimed I wasn’t a hypocrite.”

Kyle’s fingers flick lowers, ghosting over the area below his ribs and sternum, following the pattern of flowers, stars and skylines drawn there as he huffs into Jason’s neck.

“I love you.”

“Love you too.” Jason replies, every bit the unwavering constant he’s become. Kyle remembers when they started out, how nervous Jason would be. Of commitment, of hurting Kyle, of getting hurt. Kyle remembers that but it all seems so far away in a wonderful way. They’ve grown better together, overcome fears and worries together and come out on top.

Yeah, he really needs to figure out how to propose.

* * *

They’re granted a small reprieve of duties for the next week and Kyle uses that time to plan the proposal and ask around. The Lanterns, who he tells first via group call while Jason’s out grabbing stuff from the bakery, are overwhelmingly delighted. Hal and Jessica somehow manage a perfectly synchronised yell, Simon grins widely and congratulates him giving a thumbs up. Guy is so surprised he knocks his phone over, from where it’s balanced to fit both him and John into frame, as soon as it’s righted again John starts asking him questions and is then shoved away so Guy can start asking more excited and slightly threatening questions.

Sometimes Kyle forgets Guy and John have all but adopted Jason, and that Guy especially happens to be a little more protective of him than most people would expect. The two of them get on like a house on fire. In some cases, literally.

Somehow, in between all the questions being hurled at him and all the remarks that now Guy and John won’t be the only married Lanterns Kyle manages to explain that no, he doesn’t have a plan or a speech or a ring or anything really, he just knows he’s going to do it. The group then continue to be entirely unhelpful until Jason arrives back when they switch to being painfully obvious and embarrassing. Guy wolf whistles, Simon lets out a loud “whoop!”, Jess and John can’t stop grinning and repeatedly asking Jason how he’s feeling. Hal looks like he might start crying.

Kyle really needs better friends. He knows at least two of them are doing this on purpose.

Speaking of better friends, he calls Donna later that evening, when he knows Kori will also be with her. Apart from the Lanterns, (and Roy and Connor, who are on a mission right now and unfortunately unreachable) they’re the only other people who know.

Their reaction is welcomingly similar, wolf whistles and excitement, Kyle and Donna watch as Kori floats slightly higher as she begins to chatter about what she hopes their wedding will look like, complete with anecdotes given to her by Jason on quiet nights passed, when it felt like the three of them were against the entire world and ideas of the future were all hopeful fantasy. Kyle listens, her advice is helpful and not unwanted, the two of them would probably end up getting Donna and Kori to help out anyway if Jason said yes.

All Kori says is very Jason, it’s unsurprising, Kori has always been one to pick up on smaller habits and likes, she’s not one to let things slide, but someone didn’t know Jason as well as they did would assume Kori was telling a joke. 

Sometimes it feels so wonderful to be let in on this secret, cosy and comfortable but other times he feel angry. Angry on Jason’s behalf that such small harmless things have become guarded.

It’s getting better. He’s become more open. Joining a group of heroes who don’t hide and repress as second nature has helped, but so has the newfound stability the Lanterns so unconsciously provide.

Although Kyle shouldn’t be so harsh, the Bats are getting better, slowly, but they are. He can’t help but be a little annoyed though.

The call is entirely unhelpful apart from that, he asks Donna for advice on how to actually propose and gets laughing and teasing in return.

“You’re telling me Mr Romance has no clue? I’m sure you’ve got something.” She smiles, eyes shifting to where Kori has wandered off to.

(Which is interesting, Kyle thinks as he mentally notes it down for later. They’ve been together a year now, and neither like to move very slow, it’s not a stretch to consider that she’s considering something similar.)

“Wanted to make it perfect,” He grumbles, which gets him some more laughter before Donna shuts the call off.

Now he has ideas for the wedding but not the proposal.

And he needs a ring.

_Shit. He needs a ring._

* * *

He gets a ring, _finally,_ when Jason is accompanying John on some mission, after two small breakdowns, several hours in several stores and the extreme unhelpfulness only Guy and Roy together can provide.

It’s pretty. Simple. Silver with three small strips of moonstone. It’s generally quite meaningless, there’s no romantic hidden messages but Kyle knows Jason thinks he looks good in silver and moonstone has always been one of the few precious stones that he liked - not overly flashy or attention grabbing. Kyle’s happy with the choice.

It sits as a weight that seems to get heavier in his pocket as he waits for Jason to get home, there’s always a small section of his mind that’s devoted to thinking about it. Logically he knows Jason will say yes, they’re technically already married and definitely act like it. Jason had Talia legally resurrect him recently as well, using Catherine’s maiden so there shouldn’t be any legal issue either. But Kyle can’t help but be nervous because this is so big and important and he loves Jason so much.

Between all the ribbing, Guy tells him that nerves are normal, smile sympathetic and understanding, his wedding ring, entirely made out of Space Metal nestled comfortably next to his Lantern Ring.

So, Kyle plans and waits and looks forward to it and worries. He calls his mom and she cries and then admonishes him for not telling her in person and then cries again, and Talia stops by to give her his blessing and then lightly threatens him and then compliments him.

It’s all a lot.

He just really hopes it goes well.

* * *

It goes like this:

They end up flying the night after Jason’s arrives back, when all the exhaustion is forced away and they’re all soft smiles and homecoming kisses and stupid random “I miss you” gestures. Jason’s only been gone a few days but neither of them complains.

But the night after, Kyle suggests they take to the skies for a bit, it’s a hobby they’ve picked up, one they have the luxury of being able to do, where they race around the globe taking in the view of the land below and the stars above as they twist and giggle and try to outdo each other in ways that shouldn’t matter. 

Kyle loves it, he gets to explore Earth and have fun with Jason and use the powers he’s been given to enjoy himself rather than fight for once. Often, they’ll land halfway through and take in the view or wander around, Jason knows one commonly spoken language more often than not.

They’re out tonight, or maybe today depending on where you stop them, speeding over the oceans and cities, at one point attempting to slow dance while moving at high speeds and it doesn’t work, they end up as an ungraceful tangle of limbs hurling themselves through the air but Jason is laughing and Kyle is too and the weight in his suit pocket feels heavier and it’s too silly and wonderful to be annoyed about.

They land in the Alps between bursts of trees and mushrooms too dark to see even with the stars and moon shining feely and brightly, their glows mix in, unnatural but not rejected, illuminating the patches of grass beneath their feet and the flowers dotted around.

Said glow also lights up Jason’s face as he tilts his head up, eyes closed before breathing deeply and flopping to the ground. Kyle floats down next to him.

“There weren’t any mountains on Helza last week.” Jason says musing.

“No?”

“No. Just a lot of flat land.” There’s a faint echo after Jason speaks, staring up at the skying. “It was weird. The whole trip was.”

“Mm?”

Jason turns towards him, facing a mix of harsh shadows and bright light. “Yeah, not in a bad way but… some of the customs seemed odd, and the landscape was strange. Also, John was acting a bit more, I don’t know, chipper? Than usual.”

“Really?” Kyle really needed to think about who he told his plans to: more specifically, don’t tell the people who might be obvious and give it away about them.

“Kept on grinning randomly and he hugged me way more than usual. Has Guy done something stupidly romantic again? I haven’t heard anything.”

“No,” Kyle sighs, sitting up and turning towards Jason. Is he really going to do this now? The conversation has given him an opportunity to, but it’s not a particularly romantic segway. “No, he hasn’t, but I’m about to.”

 _Oh god that sounded stupid._ Jason frowns and cocks his head, opening his mouth to question.

“Wha-?”

“No! Wait, listen uh-” _Fuck he was really doing this like this, wasn’t he?_ “Just, let me say this.”

Jason sits up and looks at him, all the attention those glowing blue eyes could possibly give directed to Kyle.

“I love you. I love you so much Jason. And I probably should have prepared something for this but I forgot and I’m bad with words anyway but-” Kyle breathes, dematerialising his suit and grabbing the ring from his pocket. “I love you. And these last two years have been amazing and wonderful and I just- I know we already got married in space and the tattoos are great but marry me? I want to marry you on Earth and have a wedding and I love you so much.”

Jason is silent, staring down at the ring, expression on his face shadowed and unreadable.

“It’s alright if you do-” Kyle tries to backtrack and suddenly Jason snaps out of his trance surging forward to slam his lips onto Kyle’s, bumping their noses in his haste. Kyle falls over from the impact and Jason breaks away for just long enough to check that he’s alright before kissing him again, more gently this time.

“Yes,” Is the breathless reply, once they break apart again, Jason’s leaning over him, white streaks in his hair illuminated blue as he grins and he looks so, _so_ happy. Kyle pulls his back down for another kiss, laughing with relief and joy and excitement and love.

Halfway through that kiss, Kyle realises he’s still holding the ring box in one hand, ring still inside of it and he pushes Jason off him so he can hand it over. 

And Jason, who wears his heart on his sleeve but tries his darndest not to cry in front of others, looks close to tears as Kyle slides it down his finger, pulling it close to inspect and laughing wetly.

It’s perfect, everything is so wonderfully perfect as they lounge on the mountain until dawn decides to break, before flying away from the sun's rays into the darkness still blanketing America.

It’s perfect when they wake up the next day in the late hours of the morning, tangled together, cold metal of the ring on Kyle’s chest and then later when they call their friends and family to tell them the good news.

Kyle is once again struck by how much of a secret this is, when they get through calling everyone and are surprised at how little time it took, but it’s not something that bothers them, the people who need to know and they’re happy, it’s not hindering in anyway or a cause of conflict, he realises as they huddle in the kitchen, swaying absently to soft music from next door.

People will probably find out now, it’s hard to keep a wedding under wraps, even a small one, but Kyle doesn’t mind and he knows that, as long as no one gets on his nerves about it, Jason doesn’t mind either.

They’re happy and in love and whether they’re known to the whole world or just them, nothing can change that.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked! check out my other fics or tumblr [starboysdcdumspter](https://starboysdcdumpster.tumblr.com/)  
> it's honestly neither of the prompts but shhh they're kinda there.


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